My calendar applied for a vacation. It was tired of having every day booked.

Joke 1: My calendar applied for a vacation. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The pencil opened a tiny advice office. Its specialty was getting straight to the point.

Joke 2: The pencil opened a tiny advice office. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My laundry basket started a podcast. Every episode was about loads it had carried.

Joke 3: My laundry basket started a podcast. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The elevator refused to gossip. It did not want to bring anyone down.

Joke 4: The elevator refused to gossip. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

I bought a very polite alarm clock. It whispers, 'Whenever you are ready to panic.'

Joke 5: I bought a very polite alarm clock. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The stapler entered a talent show. It held the whole act together.

Joke 6: The stapler entered a talent show. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My houseplant keeps a travel journal. So far it has visited three windowsills.

Joke 7: My houseplant keeps a travel journal. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The toaster wanted a promotion. It said it could handle more than the morning shift.

Joke 8: The toaster wanted a promotion. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A sock tried to solve a mystery. Its only clue was that its partner had vanished in the spin cycle.

Joke 9: A sock tried to solve a mystery. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The fridge wrote a suspense novel. The final chapter was chilling.

Joke 10: The fridge wrote a suspense novel. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My coffee mug joined a support group. It was tired of being filled with everyone else's problems.

Joke 11: My coffee mug joined a support group. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The ruler became a referee. It already knew where to draw the line.

Joke 12: The ruler became a referee. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A lamp started giving motivational speeches. Its message was simple: brighten up and stay switched on.

Joke 13: A lamp started giving motivational speeches. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The broom asked for a desk job. It was ready to sweep through the paperwork.

Joke 14: The broom asked for a desk job. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My headphones are terrible at secrets. Everything goes in one ear and comes out as a playlist.

Joke 15: My headphones are terrible at secrets. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The mailbox took an improv class. It wanted to think outside the envelope.

Joke 16: The mailbox took an improv class. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A notebook started a detective agency. It had pages of evidence but no binding conclusion.

Joke 17: A notebook started a detective agency. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The umbrella won an award for patience. It spent months waiting for its moment to shine in the rain.

Joke 18: The umbrella won an award for patience. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My vacuum cleaner loves dramatic exits. It always leaves the room breathless.

Joke 19: My vacuum cleaner loves dramatic exits. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The doormat has impressive confidence. It lets everyone walk over it and still says welcome.

Joke 20: The doormat has impressive confidence. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A tomato tried online dating. It was looking for someone who appreciated a fresh profile.

Joke 21: A tomato tried online dating. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The potato joined a book club. It only read stories with plenty of eyes on the page.

Joke 22: The potato joined a book club. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My cereal held a morning meeting. The agenda got soggy before anyone reached a decision.

Joke 23: My cereal held a morning meeting. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The sandwich hired a personal coach. It needed help bringing more to the table.

Joke 24: The sandwich hired a personal coach. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A lemon became a customer-service manager. It knew how to handle sour feedback.

Joke 25: A lemon became a customer-service manager. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The popcorn formed a debate team. Every point caused another argument to pop up.

Joke 26: The popcorn formed a debate team. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My soup wrote a weather report. It predicted heavy steam with a chance of crackers.

Joke 27: My soup wrote a weather report. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The cookie attended a confidence seminar. It learned that one small crumble does not ruin the batch.

Joke 28: The cookie attended a confidence seminar. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A banana applied to be a stunt performer. Its resume listed several successful slips.

Joke 29: A banana applied to be a stunt performer. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The cheese opened a photo studio. It promised every portrait would look grate.

Joke 30: The cheese opened a photo studio. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My tea bag keeps its plans flexible. It prefers to see what is brewing.

Joke 31: My tea bag keeps its plans flexible. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The pancake gave a terrible speech. It kept flipping between topics.

Joke 32: The pancake gave a terrible speech. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A carrot launched a fitness channel. Its first lesson was how to stay rooted during a stretch.

Joke 33: A carrot launched a fitness channel. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The salt shaker entered politics. It promised to add flavor without shaking up the whole table.

Joke 34: The salt shaker entered politics. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My spaghetti is learning organization. It finally stopped tying every task into knots.

Joke 35: My spaghetti is learning organization. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The muffin started a neighborhood watch. It was concerned about suspicious crumbs.

Joke 36: The muffin started a neighborhood watch. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A grape became an orchestra conductor. It kept telling the raisins to pick up the tempo.

Joke 37: A grape became an orchestra conductor. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The ice cube took a public-speaking course. It still melted under pressure, but now with excellent posture.

Joke 38: The ice cube took a public-speaking course. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My fork wants to become a life coach. It says every problem has several points worth considering.

Joke 39: My fork wants to become a life coach. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The oven sent a calm email. It said there was no need to get heated.

Joke 40: The oven sent a calm email. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A squirrel opened a savings account. The bank was impressed by its fall deposits.

Joke 41: A squirrel opened a savings account. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The owl started a late-night help desk. Every caller received a very thorough 'who' to contact.

Joke 42: The owl started a late-night help desk. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My goldfish has ambitious weekend plans. It is thinking of circling somewhere new.

Joke 43: My goldfish has ambitious weekend plans. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The cat reviewed my home office. It gave the keyboard five paws for warmth and zero for sharing.

Joke 44: The cat reviewed my home office. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A turtle entered a speed-reading contest. It finished last but remembered every comma.

Joke 45: A turtle entered a speed-reading contest. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The bee asked for a quieter workspace. The office buzz was ruining its concentration.

Joke 46: The bee asked for a quieter workspace. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My dog became a weather analyst. Its forecast was mostly sunny with scattered chances of walks.

Joke 47: My dog became a weather analyst. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The penguin ordered business cards. Its job title was Professional Ice Breaker.

Joke 48: The penguin ordered business cards. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A snail launched a delivery company. The slogan promised your package would arrive eventually and thoughtfully.

Joke 49: A snail launched a delivery company. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The raccoon took an etiquette class. It wanted to rummage with better manners.

Joke 50: The raccoon took an etiquette class. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My hamster joined a strategy committee. Every plan somehow returned to the same wheel.

Joke 51: My hamster joined a strategy committee. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The frog applied for a construction permit. It wanted to add one more landing pad to the pond.

Joke 52: The frog applied for a construction permit. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A bear opened a blanket store. Customers said the service was warm but a little grizzly.

Joke 53: A bear opened a blanket store. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The flamingo tried a new standing desk. It returned half of it because one leg was enough.

Joke 54: The flamingo tried a new standing desk. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My parrot quit the echo committee. It was tired of hearing the same proposal twice.

Joke 55: My parrot quit the echo committee. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The hedgehog became a tailor. It already carried a complete set of pins.

Joke 56: The hedgehog became a tailor. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A duck hosted a budget meeting. Every expense had to pass the bill.

Joke 57: A duck hosted a budget meeting. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The goat started reviewing hiking trails. It rated every route by how much there was to chew over.

Joke 58: The goat started reviewing hiking trails. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My rabbit teaches time management. Its main advice is to hop to it before the deadline multiplies.

Joke 59: My rabbit teaches time management. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The octopus joined a group project. For once, everyone agreed there were enough hands.

Joke 60: The octopus joined a group project. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A cloud subscribed to a streaming service. It only watched shows with a strong chance of drama.

Joke 61: A cloud subscribed to a streaming service. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The mountain wrote a short autobiography. It had one peak chapter and a long descent.

Joke 62: The mountain wrote a short autobiography. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My shadow asked for a raise. It said it had been following me around for years.

Joke 63: My shadow asked for a raise. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The river opened a navigation school. Its students learned to go with the flow without missing the turn.

Joke 64: The river opened a navigation school. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A pebble started a luxury spa. The signature treatment was a very slow polish.

Joke 65: A pebble started a luxury spa. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The wind submitted a job application. Under references, it wrote, 'Ask any open window.'

Joke 66: The wind submitted a job application. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My snow shovel is an optimist. It sees every storm as a chance to clear its schedule.

Joke 67: My snow shovel is an optimist. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The moon opened a quiet cafe. Business rises at night and wanes before breakfast.

Joke 68: The moon opened a quiet cafe. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A rainbow applied to art school. Its portfolio covered the entire spectrum.

Joke 69: A rainbow applied to art school. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The volcano hired a conflict mediator. It wanted to stop blowing up over little pressure points.

Joke 70: The volcano hired a conflict mediator. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My tent joined a book club. It prefers stories with strong plots and dependable stakes.

Joke 71: My tent joined a book club. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The compass started couples counseling. It helps people find common direction.

Joke 72: The compass started couples counseling. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A suitcase opened a memory clinic. It specialized in unpacking old trips.

Joke 73: A suitcase opened a memory clinic. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The traffic cone became a dance instructor. Its entire class focused on moves around obstacles.

Joke 74: The traffic cone became a dance instructor. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My bicycle entered a philosophy contest. It argued that balance is easier when you keep moving.

Joke 75: My bicycle entered a philosophy contest. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The map refused to choose a restaurant. It kept pointing out too many good directions.

Joke 76: The map refused to choose a restaurant. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A parking meter started a tiny charity. It believed every change could buy someone a little time.

Joke 77: A parking meter started a tiny charity. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The train wrote a manners guide. Chapter one: never lose track of the conversation.

Joke 78: The train wrote a manners guide. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My backpack became a minimalist. It is still carrying a lot of emotional baggage.

Joke 79: My backpack became a minimalist. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The sidewalk enrolled in evening classes. It wanted a path toward higher education.

Joke 80: The sidewalk enrolled in evening classes. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A keyboard planned a quiet weekend. It needed space away from all the pressing issues.

Joke 81: A keyboard planned a quiet weekend. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The printer tried meditation. It was searching for inner paper peace.

Joke 82: The printer tried meditation. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My phone took a course in boundaries. It learned that not every notification deserves an immediate reaction.

Joke 83: My phone took a course in boundaries. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The mouse opened a productivity blog. Its top tip was to stop chasing every click.

Joke 84: The mouse opened a productivity blog. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A spreadsheet went to a comedy club. It laughed in rows and columns.

Joke 85: A spreadsheet went to a comedy club. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The charger started a pep-talk service. People left feeling positive and fully connected.

Joke 86: The charger started a pep-talk service. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My password wrote a memoir. The details were complicated, case-sensitive, and mostly hidden.

Joke 87: My password wrote a memoir. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The router hosted a family reunion. Everyone connected, but nobody remembered the guest password.

Joke 88: The router hosted a family reunion. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A camera became a meeting facilitator. It kept asking everyone to focus on the big picture.

Joke 89: A camera became a meeting facilitator. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The calculator launched a mystery series. Every case ended when the numbers finally added up.

Joke 90: The calculator launched a mystery series. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My doorbell formed a band. It only knows one note, but it really brings people in.

Joke 91: My doorbell formed a band. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The window started a review site. Every place received a clear view and a drafty comment.

Joke 92: The window started a review site. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A pillow joined an argument club. It softened every point before making its own.

Joke 93: A pillow joined an argument club. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The blanket became a career counselor. It helps people uncover what makes them comfortable.

Joke 94: The blanket became a career counselor. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My mirror refuses to exaggerate. It always reflects on the facts.

Joke 95: My mirror refuses to exaggerate. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The clock started a tiny bakery. Its specialty was second-hand rolls.

Joke 96: The clock started a tiny bakery. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

A candle wrote a productivity guide. It recommends tackling one burning task at a time.

Joke 97: A candle wrote a productivity guide. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The coat hanger opened a mediation practice. It helps both sides find something they can hang onto.

Joke 98: The coat hanger opened a mediation practice. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

My bookshelf gives very balanced advice. It says every story needs support on both ends.

Joke 99: My bookshelf gives very balanced advice. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.

The recycling bin planned a comeback tour. It promised all the old material would feel completely renewed.

Joke 100: The recycling bin planned a comeback tour. is one of the hj featured in this gallery.